Out on the road today, I saw a DEADHEAD sticker on a Cadillac A little voice Inside my head said, "Don't look back. You can never look back." I thought I knew what love was What did I know? Those days are gone forever I should just let them go-

aim it--> attack banana 22
4View My BuddyProfile


---->love it:<----

accents,walking barefoot, being rad, best friends, bonfires, books, bracelets, british slang, bubble bath, cats, chewing on my pens, chocolate, black nail polish, chocolate malt, clothes, concerts, converse, cotton candy, ice cream, creativity, daydreaming, delayed openings, disney movies, dreaming, english class, eyeliner, fake pearls, flash animations, fondue, freedom, fruit punch, ghost stories, guitars, gum, hammocks, happiness, hats, highlighters, hot chocolate, ice cream trucks, inside jokes, inspiration, irony, jeans, journals, knee-socks, laughing, letters, life, llamas, lust, lyrics, memories, metaphors, moments, movies, music, art, naps, new boooks, new clothers, night, nightmares, old music, originality, parks, peace, philosophy, photographs, picnics, pizza, poetry, post-it notes, psychology, purple fishnets,socks, questions, quotes, rollercoasters, safety pins, scissors, shoes, skirts, skittles, sleeping, sleepovers, smiling, snowdays, sparkles, stories, study halls, sunny days, sunsets, surprises, swimming, swings, tans, the beach, the ocean, thunderstorms, truth, understanding, unwrapping starbursts with my tounge, vacations, walking, warm nights, whipped cream, worn-out sweatshirts,all-nighters, buttons, candles, collages, colour, dares, experiences, floating, hugs, imagining, literature, mix cds, my bedroom, photo albums, pillows, remembering, rights, "crazy" people, 80s movies, acting, aim, all-nighters, analyzing everything, big sweatshirts, black and white pictures, black cats, blood, books, candles, cds, cheese, clothes, collages, colorful rubber bands, dares, daydreaming, drama, emo, empty voids, existence, fate, fire, fireworks, floating, friends, going through people's garbage, graffiti, graphic novels, hiding, hugs, imagining, irony, nightmares, nirvana, photo albums, pillows, post-it notes, profanity, psychos, questions, rain,rainbows,reading, records, remembering, remembering dreams, roasting marshmallows, rubber balls, sarcasm, sharpies, signs, ska, sleeping, stupid humor, summer, the 80s, the internet, the movies, the paranormal, thinking, thought, thrift stores, thunder storms, time, time travel, understanding, water, wishing, writing, writing in cursive

speak slow tell me love, where do we go?

When all that we need is just a reaction
It's too much to ask for when there's no attraction anymore
If chasing our dreams is just a distraction
I want to remember but I know that I can't go back
Taking Back Sunday

And I find it kinda funny,

I find it kinda sad

The dreams in which I'm dying

are the best I've ever had.

Gary Jules

It was hard love, every step of the way
Hard to be so close to you, so hard to turn away
And when all the stars and sentimental songs dissolved to day
There was nothing left to sing about but hard love

So I'll tell you that I love you even though I'm far away
And I'll tell you how you change me as I live from day to day
How you help me to accept myself and I won't forget to say
Love is never wasted, even when it's hard love
Bob Franke


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he ish my duckie and i lover him.

he's an emo little fuck.

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Sunday, May 08, 2005
la la la

la la la, you likes teh new layout?

so..friday me and cost got in a big stupid fight over, umm...i really don't know? it was so lame though. but whatever, i guess we're good now. i went to alisande's friday night, and hung out there for a while with liz. entertaining, as always. at one point alisande was wearing her hair in a high ponytail and big round glasses and her hugs not drugs tshirt and jumping around headbanging to death-metal. then she dressed up like a hooker. and made me russian. she has cool coats.
then i came home, talked to nick on the phone for a while, and went to bed. saturday me and coder went to see house of wax, and saw greg and hartzell there. the movie was so frickin scary. i hated it. the blood and guts didnt disturb me or anything, it was the frickin wax people. when they first went into the museum, before it was even scary or even supposed to be scary, i started spazzing at the stupid wax people. gah.

yeah, then i came home, and now it's mother's day! Woohoo for commercial holidays. i have to work on my stupid essay, do laundry, maybe hang out with alisande and whoever else wants to. i'm seriously thinking of dropping AV. i know that i only have like a few weeks left, and if i've taken it for this long i should just finish it and get the credit, and everything, but 1)I absolutely hate the class and dread going to it every day. 2) i'm really stressed now, with a lot of projects and then finals, and all that's left of AV is huge projects and the final, and it's just too much. and 3) I could use the extra study hall. idk if i can still drop it or not, but i want to.

on a brighter note: I Just Bought Warped Tour Tickets!!!

w00t. hartzell--we got three, so you better be able to come!!! i'm so excited! lol!


Posted at 11:01 am by Fuller02
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Tuesday, May 03, 2005

If I was an Invader Zim Character, I'd be:
Click to see what Invader Zim Character you could be!
Take the Invader Zim personality test

Posted at 04:09 pm by Fuller02
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Sunday, May 01, 2005

Alisande: Far, far away, in the land of Nepal, ruled by the land of CHIIIINNNAAA!!!! *goes on and on with china song*
Diana: CHIIIINNNAA! oh man, i can't warble!

Alisande: What's sex?
Fuller: well....you know what a penis is?
Alisande: Does it resemble a spoon?
Fuller: sure...well, all boys have penises. but you don't have a penis.
Alisande: what do i have?
fuller: a hole.
Alisande: like a watering hole?
fuller: sure...now, when the spoon gets stuck in your watering hole, thats sex.
alisande: oh...what does it feel like?
fuller: err...well, it can provide a rather tingly sensation.
alisande: then how do you get pregnant?
fuller: well, see, you have eggs in your watering hole.

Diana: you're name is dylan...you're super hott...too bad it looks like you're smoking pot!

alisande: would u let him go up your shirt?
diana: idk...what if a guy went up your shirt and found something weird up there?
alisande: like WHAT?!
diana: idk...what if you had rough skin or something...
alisande: you have rough skin on ur tits?!?!
diana: NO!! thats not what im talking about u loser!!
alisande: then what the hell ARE you talking about?!!?

alisande: fuller, are u a SWINGER?
fuller: WHAT!?!
coder: i taught them a new word!!
fuller: never do that again...

alisande: *does leg thing* the most..erotic...part..of the body...engaged in...SEX!
diana: the second..most erotic part...of the body..is...ZE BUM BUM!

sleeping on the trampoline at 5 in the morning, making pancakes, decorating bisquik cupcakes and bringing them to the neighbors, melting a granola bar in the microwave, coloring hello kitty!, *squeak* who touched my foot?, gross atkins cookies, OREGANO! VODKA!, and sooo much more. <3 you guys! (coder;alisande;liz;diana;melissa)

Posted at 12:11 pm by Fuller02
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Thursday, April 21, 2005

a much needed update, in case you care:

friday--> came home from school, freaked out (w00t vacation), liz and alex came over, we walked around, went to danielles (is danielle home? no, shes at hiC..can we borrow a cup of sugar?) went to bayus, rang the bell and ran away, went to laurens (can we borrow a cup of sugar...or lauren? WOAH U GUYS ARE HERE THIS ROCKS I WAS SO BORED!), rocked out and danced in lauren's rockin basement bedroom to heart, pink, blondie, and weird al (Oy Vey.), came back to my house with lauren (can we keep her?), hung out, acted like spazzes (move over, ur not givin me any room!/timbuktu, kalamazoo, hungary, zimbabwe, and.....YugoSLAVia!/an orange junkie, mmmhmm/ oh my, starry eyed surprise!), crashed, woke up, ate bagels, everyone left, hung out. saturday--> went to cost's, hung out with cost coder & hartz, came home, hung out.
sunday--> saw miss congeniality 2 with coder hartz & cost, walked around the mall for a while, came back here with coder hartz & cost, hung out for a while, everyone left, chilled.
monday-wednesday--> northampton= swam, shopped, ate (repeat)
wednesday--> came home, saw guess who with liz and alex, couldnt get anyone else to go with us (they werent cool enough), were loud and obnoxious cuz we were the only ppl in the theater besides mr dailey and savannah (yawn and put ur arm around lizzie!, bump bump bump), went back to alex's, liz went home, slept over alisandes, drank vodka and watched friends episodes with french subtitles and wrote down how to say particularly weird/dirty phrases in french (my hands were nowhere near ur butt, rub it, grab it, come on just grab my ass!, i am the twinkie, you have a cheeto on your face, etc), went to sleep.
thursday--> woke up, watched some of how to deal, ate blueberry waffles, played the sims, attempted to make lizzie and ian WOOHOO!, got picked up, went shopping (got a bunch of buttons, a yeah yeah yeahs tshirt, rd polka-dot flats, and a greenday poster), went to the christmas tree shop where i put on a HUGE floppy yellow sunhat and HUGE pink rhinestone sunglasses and carried around a HUGE sparkly silver sequined bag with black netting pretending to be an "undercover bargain hunter" and eavesdropping on the old ladies (did you know alice from across the street is going to an arts school? isnt that nice?), got weird looks, purchased said disguise for about 5 bucks, went to pick up my brother at sams, passed mrs hartzell and hartzell on the way off sunset (HEY FULLER! WANNA COME OVER?!), went to hartzells, hung out and came home.

and all the times i didn't specify what i was doing, you can count on me having been sitting outside in the sun, cuz it's nice out and i refues to go back to school without a tan. rocking vacation, no? well i had fun, and thank god it's not over yet...

//edit: rather than write a new entry detailing the rest of my vacation, i'm adding on to this one. cuz i'm lazy like that.

friday-->went to the doctor (meh), went shopping, came home, slept over diana's (STEAM ENGINE SKEETER!, playing candy land under our umbrella behind the bed, vats of margarine!, watching talk sex with sue johansen, *coffee shop*, hey toots, liz-the-deficient-stripper, smoking oregano!)
saturday--> woke up, came home, went shopping with coder (bought incredibly ugly/awesome red sunglasses, tried to stalk friend-of-nipple-boy, quick! run into pacsun!), came back here with coder and played sims 2 for 3 hours (coder and bayu WooHoo!!), hung out
sunday--> laundry, homework, depression about the sick realization that i had to snap out of my wonderful dream-vacation-world. meh. \\edit.

Posted at 08:13 pm by Fuller02
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Wednesday, April 13, 2005
of scary clowns and morticizing

fuller: r u really gonna live ur life  afraid to even look at a clown picture on the internet? ur never gonna be able to take any real risks
coder: how in the world does a fictional clown pic compare to real life?
fuller: the pic doesnt compare to real life, but ur inability to bring urself tolook at the pic for whatever reason leads me to believe u will have trouble facing your fears in real life
coder: my inability to look at the picture stems from you feeding me terrifying fictional stories that involve clowns that ANYONE could and should be afraid of

cost: i got funeral director/mortician coder!!!! 4 a career choice based on my personality and iterests   isnt that weird!?
coder: wtf???
cost: it was on online quiz thing and i got that
fuller: we took a career test thing today
coder: HAHAHHAHAHHAhA!!!!!!!!!! COST GOT MORTICIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cost: it was soweird, i dont like dead ppl
coder: YOU ARE NEVER LIVING THIS DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cost: dont laugh @ me
cost: stop     u make me feel so weird
coder: hahahahhahahahaha
coder: sorry cost
coder: i <3 you!
coder: do you forgive me for laughing?
cost: no u dont    im gonna morticize u!!!

hahah, they rock my world. and i definitely need to hang out with them this weekend.

Posted at 08:25 pm by Fuller02
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jamez rocks!

jamez bond alicata rocks, and has been sadly neglected in the recent entries of this blog. i would like to take this time to say that her act in the talent show rocked my world, she is most definitely to recieve all my HappyLanders as well as a subway straw and some moldy cheese in my will, and that we need to hang out over break or something cuz i miss her! also, i got a thank you note from her in the mail today and it had really cool polka-dots on the front. =)

Posted at 03:42 pm by Fuller02
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Sunday, April 10, 2005

[hearing--> Everything will be alright- the killers]
[feeling--> tired]

so, a quick update on my non-stop-party-party-weekend.
friday, me and cost went to em's right after school to work on our odyssey project. stef and chelsea came after track. we chilled and rocked out and--oh yeah--actually did our project. it kicks ass, if i do say so myself. then i went straight to the hartland school talent show. chilled with coder, cost and stef who cost brought, plus alex, diana, ryan, and a bunch of other 8th graders that weren't in the actual show. hartzell brought greg but i didn't get a chance to talk to either of them in depth. me and alisande cried when lauren came on--last slot in the show, finally--to play guitar and gave me flashbacks of her playing bad to the bone on her little plastic guitar in first grade. =( met everyone backstage to tell them how kickass they were and went home. saturday morning-- went shopping, lots of new clothes. which is always good. spent about 3 hours on the phone getting rides organized, then went bowling with coder, lindsay, nora, michelle, and stephan. ran into tj, kyle, colin, and some kid with pierced nipples; didn't exactly bowl a lot. not the greatest time ever, but it was fun. then coder, lindsay, nora and michelle slept over. we played with a picture of jesus(cocksucker), nora filmed random things, and ummm we watched donnie darko? then we *slept* only i really didn't a whole lot. woke up and watched part of girl, interrupted. coder, lindsay, and michelle left around 10. me and nora stole jesse and josh's bikes and rode them halfway to lost acres, me wearing my striped pjs and no shoes. i almost got hit by a car, and nora stole an owl lawn ornament and relocated it. then we just chilled for a while...got freaked out by putting the wig from the coder-doll on random objects like my boohbah, marveling at my amazing feng shui, and watching dr. phil, daria, and a fascinating program involving sex change operations. mhm...it was fun. i miss her. i miss all of them. we decided we need to try to do that at least once a month, which i think is a good idea. so after nora left i walked over to lauren's and hit up her party. chilled there with everyone, then me and liz came back here to get cds, since my cds own and everyone knows it. when we were walking back to lauren's we decided to stop by bayu's and ask him to the party. we couldn't figure out where he lived and almost "rocked on the knong door" as lizzie so intelligently put it, before seeing bayu lugging wood around his yard with his parents. went over and asked him to come to lauren's with us. his parent's said he could and he went and changed his shirt and came with us. haha, methinks everyone was a little bit surprised when we came back with him. w00t. but yeah, 'twas wicked fun. came back here at like 5 and did laundry and homework.
so basically, i got to hang out with a bunch of my very favorite people, and mingle with a good amount of my wide array of *social groups* (because we know how totally social i am) so i'm happy, until tomorrow, which is monday.
wicked tired, so i'm out.

Me: *sigh* Everyone thinks I'm weird...
Liz: Says the girl with the rainbow bag and invader zim shirt, blowing on a noisemaker and barking and growling at dogs.

Posted at 08:55 pm by Fuller02
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Thursday, March 31, 2005
i wish i didn't always have to title these things.

&quote emilee's profile: ~The sCaRiEsT thing about MeMoRiEs is ThInKiNg you will FoRgEt them~
granted, it's in ugly pink letters and stupid sticky caps, but it's still getting to me. and scaring me, a lot. because i've thought about that, and it's true. it feels like life is made up of millions of tiny moments, and tons of them are completely meaningless and wasted, but some of them are really important and special and...idk, i want to remember them. i want to remember the-crazy-things-i-did-in-high-school. i want to remember the good and the bad, the crushes and the endless pining, the obsessions, the mistakes. every day i can feel my memories of even last year slipping away. and it's not even that i forget them, it's just that i'm not thinking about them, or concentrating on them. someone will bring something from last year, or the year before that up and i'll think "wow, i haven't thought about that in so long..." i haven't exactly forgotten them, because when i'm reminded of them they come back almost instantly, but what happens when i'm not reminded anymore? what if the people who do the reminding start to become increasingly small parts of my life? i don't want that to happen. i don't want to not think about the past. i don't want to remember my years at hartland, and in the future my years at granby, from time to time, give them a second of thought and perhaps a sad, nostalgic smile and move on. i don't ever want that to be me. but i don't know how to prevent that from happening. i don't know if there are enough entire weekends spent hanging out, scrapbooks pasted messily together, and dilligently kept journals to ever keep that from happening. and it scares the hell out of me. 

Posted at 09:27 pm by Fuller02
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Sunday, March 27, 2005
I wrote a will!

I wrote a will. No, I'm not planning on dying anytime soon but it was fun okay?

To Emilee, who gave me the idea to make this will, i leave my ripped jeans so she can feel her soft knee, two cents, a piece of gum and my english book, because i know how much she loves the odyssey. To Alisande I leave the bearlybutt i have yet to aquire, my share of lizzie and ian's love nest, and 50% custody of the Hindu Monkey. I leave Ryan my bathtub. To Stef I leave Mr. Emu as long as she solemnly swears not to feed him bacon,my position as priest of our anti-geometry religion,  the marijuana i grew in my closet, and some glitter glue. To Hartzell I pass on my cd collection, my pony if i ever get one, my good geometry grades, and my share of our double-radness.  To Brooke I leave my pot shirt that she stole, my cd player that i never let anyone touch at lunch, and all the pot that i didn't already leave to stef. I leave Nora my body (so she can "do cool science stuff with it," sprinkle my ashes around the dugouts and in people's coffee, and put my brain in a jar on her bookshelf,) my glasses, my nemo pillow, and myself. To Mr. Kearns I leave Lucifer Mr. Kearns Nick Labinski, my moose/reindeer. To Mr. Boski I leave my deodorant and the ashes that are going to be sprinkled in his coffee. To Liz I leave my house and yard and the memories we have there, as well has the other 50% custody of the Hindu monkey(see Alisande,) her playset that I am going to steal from the Larsens, and Boots. I leave Chelsea my funnybringing talent as well as my "good looks" so she will no longer have to be funny looking. TO ZolaOnAol I leave nothing, because in response to my question of whether or not she would like to be included in this will, she responded: "I'm content with life as a bot, chatting with nice people like you." To Dr.Phil I leave my sexxylicious cutout of him as well as our 3 love children. I leave Jenna buttons and my K-I-D-S,connecticut yankee in king arthur's court, and last gladiator scripts that i still have for some reason beyond my explanation.


if you're not in it and you think you should be, it's probably because you weren't online so i couldn't ask you what you wanted. It's still a work in progress so comment or IM me if you wanna be included. There is still an auction going on as to who gets my boohbahs. The highest bid so far is 79$. All bidders will remain anonymous.

Posted at 09:46 pm by Fuller02
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Saturday, March 26, 2005
i'm not your fucking mommy

[hearing-->Gary Jules- Mad world]
[feeling--> okay]

so sorry for the down-beatness of the last entry? only not really? idk. i was not exactly fully awake when i wrote it, and maybe that was good because i sort of got some stuff out there that i wouldn't have otherwise? look at me, ending statements with question marks. wouldn't mr. kearns be ashamed? anyways, i was gonna delete it but i guess everyone who bothers to read this shit has read it by now so whatever.

we went to see the ring 2 yesterday. okay, so it sucked arse. it wasn't scary at all, just funny. and i bet i'm like the millionth person today to blog this, but i can't resist: what the fuck was up with the fuckin deer? it was fun though. went with alex, liz, diana, cassie& lauren, met costas,ryan& some kid named joe and chelsea& stef. i had a running commentary going on one side with liz and the other with alisande. everyone kept telling me to shut up and apparently more people than i had intended heard my comment about the lighthouse.("it resembles an erect penis.") so i got some shit about that. hah. yeah, so me, liz, diana, cassie, and lauren slept over alisande's which was awesome. we always have the most random fun. highlights--> *it resembles an erect penis*i'm not your fucking mommy!*CHECK THE BATTERIES!*burn baby burn*look everybody, i have 3 boobs!*Deep Discussions*the excorsist*i'm not sorry*the crucifix(yuckified and grosser than gross)*lauren trying to come down the stairs in a backbend*captain howdy*balderdash!*alisande+stevie*dr.phil is my lover*our love children(we don't know where he got the chinese from;he lost his hands and feet in an unfortunate accident;he's only mildly retarted but he has all his limbs)*the uber super sexxylicious black man who is not really black with the metal dick*da doing doing doing*various attempts at truth or dare*various attempts at using the oiuja board*smoochy smoochy*mmm, applejuice*playing dress up*squeaking&shrieking&giggling*alisande acting possesed*the sims*lizzie&ian's love nest(i like your love nest, i wanna steal your bearlybutts!)*the bearlybutts*the lawn gnomes(L.O.W.T.Hs and Fuglys) and they're warrior steeds(aka flamingos)*the "art" room*plastic fruit&mirrors*disco room*yellow carpeting*reiteration:Lizzie&Ian's love nest!*

good times, eh?

happy almost easter. because i gladly honor holidays that mean free candy. still skeptical about the whole bunny/egg thing though. where's the sense in that?

Posted at 04:26 pm by Fuller02
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